Thursday, August 12, 2010

About Girls and Boys

When I was pregnant the first time, the hubs was so convinced we were having a boy that he convinced me we were having a boy. At around 18 weeks, imagine my surprise when I found out we were having a girl. It was a pleasant surprise for me because, while I know I shouldn't care, I secretly wanted a girl. As time went on, the hubs, who was so eager to have a son, really bonded with his daughter. And like most little girls, she had my 6'2", 250+ lb. hubs wrapped around her tiny little pinkie finger.

I mean, how could you not fall in love with this:

Fast forward 3 years and I'm pregnant again. This time I really didn't have a gender preference either way. I was truly at a point where I could honestly say I was just happy for another child. I don't think my hubs had a preference either. When I found out I was having a boy this time, I remember the excitement from my friend who also had a girl and a boy, who told me, "The bond you have with your son will be different."

And now that my boy is nearly 5 months old, I think I know what she means. While I love both my kids equally, I definitely love them differently. Articulating the difference is very difficult. The best way I know how to describe it, is to say that I feel a little more vulnerable around my son. I tried to explain this to the hubs and he didn't understand. He said, "Be quiet, she (Fiona) will hear you." He thought I was saying I loved my son more. But I don't love my son more; he just happens to be my baby, and he will always be my baby even when he is 30. In some ways I fear I am actually being more fair to my girl because I expect her to grow up and therefore expect more from her. I really don't want to come across as thinking more highly of either one of my kids because I was blessed with two wonderful kids.

With my son, I just want to mother him a little more. Maybe this has nothing to do with his gender, and more to do with the fact that he will probably remain the youngest. Or maybe this is due to the fact that he looks so much like my dear hubs, when I look into his eyes, I can't help but melt.

How can you not melt when you see this:

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