Pulling My Hair Out - Part 2

I'm a little late, but I intended to finish my story about my run-in with lice so here goes...

And another thing, this lice incident ended up being the first of a series of bad incidents, which have made the past 3 months very trying, which is why I am so late with my update. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

I can just picture my Mom now, mortified that I shared this lice experience on the Internet. When I first found out my kid had lice, my first instinct was to keep it to myself; sort of as if my kid had leprosy. But then, we were amazed at the number of people who knew about Fiona's predicament tell us their kids or even they had lice at one time. And these were not dirty people. One of these people was one of my oldest friends, who I have known over a decade, and I had no idea she had lice as a kid.

Nevertheless, Fiona's school would assure me there is no stigma, and at the same time insist she must have gotten lice from playgroup. Fiona's playgroup insisted she got lice from school. For a condition that isn't supposed to have stigma, people were sure eager to point blame, and perpetuate denial.

I concluded Fiona could have gotten lice anywhere and went about my business as if she could have gotten it anywhere. This made me a little on edge. I was paranoid about hats, and her coat touching another kid's coat at school. Finally I did some research.

Let's dispel some myths, shall we?

Lice can fly and jump - Lice do not have wings and their legs are short. The kids' heads must be literally touching for lice to spread. The chance of getting lice from sharing hats is possible, but remote.

To get rid of lice, you must vacuum constantly, launder everything and bag all pillows and stuffed animals for two weeks - Lice rarely leave the human head, and when they do, they only live for maybe 20 minutes unless they find another human head. The eggs don't leave the human head at all. They must be combed out, and believe me, combing them out is a b1tch. Time is better spent removing all lice and nits (the eggs) from the kids' heads.

Only dirty kids get lice - Lice don't care whether a head is clean or dirty. In fact, lice only leave a head once it gets too crowded.

My Mom did some research and found out there are actually professional nit-pickers who will de-lice your kid's head. I thought the idea was a little overboard for me, more suitable for yuppies living in the tony suburbs with money to burn. And then, after about a week of combing Fiona's hair, and still finding lice, and then finding lice in my own hair - the horrors - I found myself packing the kids up in the car and driving two hours to the only nit-picking service in the state. I just knew Rob lacked the patience to comb the lice out of my hair.

My friends thought I was a little crazy, but I'll tell you, I actually missed a couple of days of work due to this, and I wish I would have done it sooner. The money was worth it for the education, and now I know what to do if we should run into this problem again. More importantly I learned about prevention.

I was told to comb through Fiona's hair once every month until she was through with 8th grade. This is about in 10 years. Do you think I have done that? Hah - no. Especially with the past 3 months I have had. But I have learned proper combing techniques, and I know what to do once I get a notice from Fiona's (or Paul's) school that there has been a lice spotting.

A note about over the counter products - I used Nix at the recommendation of my pediatrician as my first attempt. I found it absolutely useless. Next I used Lice MD, also at the recommendation of my pediatrician, and found it worked pretty well, but while the label claims there are no pesticides in it, there must be some sort of chemical in it, and I found it irritated my skin. The best home remedy I found was to coat the head in olive oil and cover with a shower cap overnight, and then comb with a good de-lice comb. I used a brand called, "Nit Free" which is the best I have found. Then comb again with a de-lice comb and conditioner.

And knowing what I know now, I have to vent a little. These "no nit" policies at school are unnecessary and quit a hassle. A "no-live-lice" policy, I can understand, and nits will become live lice if not removed, however, nits never leave the hair unless manually removed, and manually removing them can take a week of combing. To remove a kid from school and disrupt the kid's learning for a week due to nits is completely asinine. Lice itself is not something to be ignored, but not a serious health problem, but rather a nuisance.

Pulling My Hair Out... Literally

Last week I noticed Fiona scratching her head. I took note, but tried not to worry about it too much. Then, the very next day I noticed her scratching her head again. I had a feeling of dread. That same feeling of dread that I have had before that some minor health issue was going to keep Fiona out of school and me out of work. And then I feel guilty because my daughter has a health issue and my bigger concern is that I'm missing work. But if the health issue was serious, of course my biggest concern would be my daughter. As a working parent, my biggest beef is that daycares keep kids home for every minor ailment - but that is a topic for another blog.

For now, let's redirect to the original topic, my daughter's scratching. A part of me almost wanted to keep it to myself, but I decided to do the right thing. When I dropped her off last Thursday I mentioned to the teacher that Fiona was scratching her head. The teacher didn't seem too concerned and told me they would check her. I hadn't even made it to work when my cell phone rang. I picked it up and got the horrifying news:

My daughter had head lice... Ick... Head lice... Ick...

When I was in school there was a stigma with head lice. Only the dirty kids got head lice... or so I thought. And truthfully, while I keep my kid's bodies and clothes clean, and I do clean their bed sheets frequently, honestly out of necessity because both of them, even Fiona at 3 1/2, make frequent messes in their sheets, the rest of my house is not all that clean. I am lucky if I manage to vacuum once every couple of weeks - and most people would be horrified that I let my 8 month old roll around on our carpet. But I'm keeping it real. Knowing about my aversion to vacuuming, I had to ask the teacher,

"Is there anything I could have done to prevent this?" Really, I didn't think I would have to deal with head lice until my kids got to the public school. I didn't think 3 1/2 year-olds got head lice.

"Lice doesn't mean she's dirty or anything," the teacher reassured me, "Lice is spread through head to head contact."

I was somewhat relieved, but still had the mortifying task of calling my boss to explain that I would miss work because of Fiona's head lice of all things.

To be continued...

From the Mouth of My Babe...

My daughter has inherited my perfectionist tendencies. Yesterday, she announced, "I am going to draw a picture of me and Gianna Trick or Treating. Can I have some paper?"

I gave her the paper and she got to work.

A few minutes later, I heard, "Gianna doesn't look right. Can I have another piece of paper, please?"

As I handed her the paper, I thought, Of course Gianna doesn't look right. You're three. Your people look like Terrance and Philip from South Park, which is good for a three year old, but not exactly true to life.

I just get a kick out of some of the things that come out of that kid's mouth.

The Former Fashionista



Fiona picked this out herself in the store.

 Yet another confession: pre-kids I loved fashion. I do not know if I would be considered a fashionista, but I enjoyed going to the outlets on the weekends, usually by myself so that my friends' style wouldn't influence mine, and picking up the latest deals. In my 20's for the first time I had the ability to go to the store on my own when I wanted, and if I didn't see anything I liked, I didn't buy, knowing that I would be back another time. For the first time I had a respectable wardrobe, and I loved to accessorize.

When I was a teenager, I didn't have the best style, mostly because I had to pick out clothes when my Mom had the time and money to bring me to the store and I had to pick what was there, even if I didn't really love the selection, and had to settle for something that I didn't hate. I had to settle because I didn't know when my Mom would bring me back to the store. My Mom's style, while respectable for her age, was not appropriate for me, and she ended up influencing me and I also fell victim to the many trends of the time-remember penny loafers?

Now I'm almost back in the same place because I find I don't have a lot of "me time" to go off to the store and shop. The few times I did shop in the last 3 years, it was usually a family affair with the hubs influencing my style this time, and I always felt rushed. My wardrobe has slowly deteriorated to the point where I wouldn't be surprised if one of my friends nominated me for "What Not To Wear." I probably wouldn't be picked however, because I wouldn't challenge Clinton and Stacy's advice. Unlike the typical contestant who seems to challenge the hosts, I would say, "Sure do what you gotta do." Clinton and Stacy clearly look better than me, and I can't understand why the slutty / unkempt contestants can't accept Clinton and Stacy are the experts. I would be too agreeable, making for very boring TV.

All the energy I put into dressing myself is now directed towards my 3 year old. For some reason, it seems easier to dress her because she gets cute clothes as gifts from relatives, and young kids can get away with wearing stuff, such as crazy tights, that I cannot get away with anymore since I have, ahem, hit an age where such things look ridiculous aren't appropriate.

There are limitations, however. First of all, she is [gasp] getting a mind of her own, and I know I should encourage that, but it reminds me that I won't be able to dress her like my little doll forever. Second of all, there aren't many practical places where I can dress her in her cutest outfits. At school, for safety reasons, she must wear leggings or shorts under skirts and cannot wear sandals, crocks, or any open toe shoe. She can't wear a lot of jewelry either. I have invested in leggings, sneakers, and Mary Jane's.

I always said when I had kids I wouldn't become one of those Moms on the make-over shows who had let their look go in favor of making their kids look cute. I did what I said I would never do and have adopted the "Mom look." But what's a time-strapped (and cash-strapped) Mom to do?

Grocery Shopping Like A Champ

Alright, here's a confession: I am what Coupon Mom would call a "rookie shopper," meaning I manage to combine coupons and sales to save around 30-50% on my grocery bills, but I have yet to reach the level of a "professional shopper" who can save 80-90% on grocery bills:



She makes it look so easy, doesn't she?

I think I need to get around to doing the following to reach this level of savings:
1. Create my price list
2. Get my hands on multiple copies of coupons
3. Get a better organizational system for my coupons - currently the circulars from my Sunday papers are stashed in a draw of my computer desk in no particular order, causing me to spend triple the time to find coupons.

However, what I really want to emphasis here is while it may be difficult to reach the 80-90% savings level of professional shoppers, the ones who create their own money saving blogs such as Money Saving Mom (my favorite), avoiding full retail price is really not all that difficult. I would say, with the exception of certain items like produce, anyone who pays full price is either: A. Independently Wealthy or B. Lazy.

Even if you are too busy to scout for coupons and promotions, you can pick-up the store circular at the front of the grocery store before shopping, and find something you could use on sale. You just need to be open minded about brands, and maybe decide you will eat chicken on sales this week instead of the beef you had planned.

Today I got $106.43 worth of groceries for $48.02 after a 7% sales tax at my local Big Y. While the 55% savings doesn't qualify me to write my own money saving blog, I am pretty satisfied with that. I got a grocery cart full of goodies.

Some of my favorite deals include the 99 cent Gold Medal Flower. I got 2 bags, which was the limit. I also got a dozen eggs for 99 cents - sweet. While I don't have a price list committed to paper, I do remember the price for some items, and I have a buy price-point that I rarely go over. For example, I know I can get a dozen eggs for $1.50 at BJ's. I have to buy 2 dozen, and I have no problem with that since Rob eats a lot of eggs. Since I don't like to stock up too much on eggs that are perishable, and the $1.50 price is constant, not dependant on some sale cycle I must follow, I consider that reasonable, but when I see eggs for cheaper than $1.50, I jump on the deal. I don't expect to always get eggs at 99 cents. I just haven't figured out how to do that.

I was also very excited to see 3 store coupons in my Big Y circular that allowed me to double any manufacturer's coupons that was valued at a $1 (no more or no less). In other parts of the country, doubling coupons over 99 cents might be commonplace, but where I live, most grocery stores will only double up to 99 cents. Luckily all of my coupons were for a $1. Basically, I considered these coupons $1 off store coupons. I was able to use all 3 of them, which was the limit.

I saved $8 in coupons. I know I could do better, but Rob was proud of me.

All in all, this week was actually an expensive grocery week for us. We went to CVS, BJ's and Big Y. I spent approximately $6 at CVS, and I am mad that I lost the receipt because it had $2 in Extra Care Bucks. At CVS I got 2 boxes of Quaker Chewy granola bars (mfg coupon + sale + ECB), 2 small bottles of  Xtra Laundry detergent (store coupon + sale), and 3 greeting cards I paid full price on (I needed to get them - can't skip out on Mom's birthday). I used $10 in ECB to help pay for the purchase.

At BJ's Rob spent approximately $106. He got our milk for the next 2 weeks there, which is a staple we usually get at BJ's, along with eggs. My max buy price for milk is $2.06 a gallon. When I saw milk for 98 cents a half-gallon with a silver coin at Big Y last week, I jumped on that. He also got bananas at 49 cents a pound. I know professional shoppers can get them at 18 cents a pound, but I haven't figured out how to do that, and 49 cents a pound is my max price for bananas. He did go off the list when he picked up Dove for Men.

I don't mind that he did that, I just wish he would have told me he planned to buy the Dove for Men because we have coupons. I discovered I could get free samples for many things, one of them being Dove for Men, and now Rob's hooked. I guess that's why the manufactures give out the samples. Congratulations Dove - your ploy worked on us. That's OK. The hubs deserves his little luxuries now and then.

The total for the week was $160. That amount used to be typical for us, but now we typically spend about $80 a week - that includes diapers, toiletries, and paper products. But our pantry and freezer needed replenishing. Next week we will only buy about $10 of produce at our local produce store, and pick up some bread, hopefully for no more than $1.50 a loaf at our local Freihofer's outlet.

Paul is getting really low on diapers, but I do have an emergency box in the next size I could break into (there were none left at CVS in his current size when I got those diapers on sale). It seems the diaper deals at CVS are slowing down. I thought I could ride that gravy train forever. Now I may have to settle for Wal-Mart brand.

There is a promotion at Babies R Us on Pampers and I have coupons. I might do that, but it is one of those deals where you buy 2 value boxes of diapers or a value box of diapers + a value box of wipes and you get a $15 gift card. The good news is I can turn around and use the $15 gift card on some Carter's sale items for friends who are soon expecting babies. The bad news is the sale flyer doesn't say how much the value box of Pampers costs at Babies R Us. I suspect the price is inflated. I hate that. I will see sales for buy 1 get 1, but how can I plan my spending when I don't know how much the one item costs?

Oh well, I can't complain. We are spending much less on groceries than we used to, and I'm learning along the way.

The Perfect Name Will Find Your Baby - Continued

I had been away for the Labor Day weekend, and then I got sick, but as promised now that I'm back, I'm going to pick up on the story behind my son's name.

Had Fiona been a boy, she would have been named Max for Maxwell. That was the name I mentally filed away for a future son when I was a teenager. You know, I liked Max, mostly because I knew a cute boy at school named Max, back when it was edgy and sporty, but I was never completely satisfied with Max like I was with Felicity, the name I filed away for a future daughter. Within the context of the newest generation of kids, Max never felt quite edgy enough for me. But truthfully I wasn't as excited about picking a boy's name and I figured if my son's name was somewhat mainstream that was OK.

Unlike Felicity however, my hubs just loved Max. I didn't like how Max went with our last name that also begins with an M. But Rob really loved it, and when I was pregnant with Fiona, Rob was convinced she was a boy and was already thinking of her as "Max" so the discussion was ended, Max she would be, until we found out she was a she.

When I got pregnant for the second time, I was long over Max. I had discovered between all the boys named Maxwell, Maximilian, Maximus who went by Max combined with all the boy who were just named Max, that equaled a lot of Max's. I said I didn't care if my son's name was somewhat mainstream, but somewhat mainstream is not the same as completely mainstream, and Max had become completely mainstream. And then there's the alliteration with my last name. Surprisingly Rob was OK with abandoning Max, especially when I told him I didn't like the alliteration. I knew not to bring up the popularity argument because that didn't matter to Rob. If anything, the popularity probably would have convinced Rob to stick with the name.

When Fiona was about a year old, I discovered the name Linus. This was it. I had the eureka moment I had with Felicity. For the first time, I found a boy's name that truly inspired me. But did Linus inspire Rob? At this point, if you read the story behind Fiona's name (and you are still with me), you probably can guess the answer to that question. Here's our conversation we had while I was pregnant with Paul with me trying in vain to convince Rob to go with Linus:

Rob: Linus? Are you serious? He's Charlie Brown's friend with the blanket.

Me: Linus is a classic in Sweden.

Rob: We don't live in Sweden.

Me: Linus is also a Greek god, who was Apollo's son. He was a gifted musician who taught music to the gods.

Rob: Do you really think our son is going to walk around bragging about being named after some Greek god!?!?!?!

Rob's stubbornness was true to form. I didn't expect Rob to like Linus but I was very surprised that he vetoed all of my other suggestions: Louis, Stuart, Oscar, Calvin. Rob didn't like any of them. I thought he would at least go along with Louis, Stuart or Calvin. I wasn't surprised that he didn't like Oscar. I didn't seriously consider my second favorite boy's name, Hugh, because it sounds very British and I don't like it with our very Italian last name. I asked him for suggestions and the only name he could come up with was Samuel. Samuel was not only way too popular, but Sam, which I find ugly with our last name because the M's would run together, was unavoidable IMO.

Paul is a name that is on a lot of birth certificates in my family but no one ever used it. My Great Grandfather was Raymond Paul, my Grandfather is Paul Donald, but he was supposed to be Donald Paul and goes by Don or P. Donald on formal documents (long story), and my brother is Anthony Paul. 

As a kid, Paul is one of those names I would have written off as boring, but over the last couple of years I began to think about Paul. I wondered why it was always a middle name in my family and never seen as good enough for a first name. I thought how my brother's name would be more interesting if it was reversed: Paul Anthony. I thought of all of the great Paul namesakes through history, Paul Revere, Paul McCartney, Paul Newman, and to a lesser extent, but as a modern (and gorgeous) example, Paul Walker. All of the famous Paul's seemed to be decent, handsome men.

Being a big-time name fanatic I started to realize that the trend was towards more exotic names, and suddenly white bread names like John, Mark, Peter, and Paul, my generation's parents' and grandparents' names, begun to stand out. I found myself suggesting Paul to certain parents on name blogs (the ones who liked names like Joeseph, Benjamin, and Jack, but couldn't use them for whatever reason), but I don't think any one ever took my suggestion.

Basically while it started off near the bottom of my list, as a name I would have loved to see on more modern babies, but not a name I considered seriously for one of my own, Paul became our front-runner. Rob wasn't excited about it, but he agreed to it due to the family connections. We always though our son's middle name would be Rob's middle name, which happens to be my Father-in-Law's middle name, James. That way both of our children would be the third generation heir to their middle names. But I wanted to avoid PJ like the plague, and we ended up using Robert for the middle name, which is not only my husband's name, but was his Great Grandfather's name. Somehow I managed to name both of my children after both sides of the family while still giving them their own unique first name within the family. (Fiona's middle name is not only my middle name and my Mom's middle name, but my sister-in-law's first name.)

I'll be honest. I wasn't excited to put Paul Robert on the birth announcement, but the solid manly classic grows on me more each day. And while Fiona has been, admittedly, a little disappointing in it's uniqueness, I have yet to run into another Paul under the age of 5. While anecdotal, I was convinced of Paul's relative uniqueness, when I was at a party and a 7 or 8 year-old girl ask me my son's name. When I said, Paul, she smiled and said, "That's different. I like that."

More importantly, my son was named for both sides of my family. When I was in the hospital, shortly after giving birth to Paul, my Grandmother said, "Thank you." And I couldn't figure out why she was thanking me except for maybe giving them a great grandson. Seeing what must have been my puzzled expression, she said, "For the name. Thank you for the name."

In conclusion, nether one of my kids got my first choice name, and that's a good thing.

The Perfect Name Will Find Your Baby

Perhaps naming my kids was a bit of an ego trip for me. I admit it. I had to keep reminding myself that my kids are human beings, not fashion accessories. But why not have some fun naming your kids as long as you don't straddle your kids with a name that's difficult to bear? What's considered "difficult to bear" varies from person to person of course.

As for me, my tastes are mildly fanciful, maybe a bit of what some baby name "experts" call, "hipster." I will say that neither of my kids got my first choice name. My hubs hates most of my names, and has toned down my "craziness" a bit. Maybe my kids will thank him or in 15 years they'll tell him, "Hey Dad, why did you have to rain on Mom's naming parade? I could have had a cool name."

In an ideal world I would have five kids named: Felicity, Sylvie, Ione, Linus and Hugh.  I also really love Cecily, but feel it is too similar to both Felicity and Sylvie to be in the same sibling set. There's my little make-believe family with perfectly harmonious, fashion-forward names. But with me real-life rarely imitates my fantasy.

Felicity was the name I mentally filed away as a teenager for my hypothetical future daughter. I was hesitant to initially commit to it (in my someday future) because I knew a girl in high school named Felicity. But then at graduation I learned she had my same middle name, the middle name I hoped to pass on to my future daughter. I had a eureka moment! Someone thought Felicity flowed well enough with my middle name. Plus, I realized by the time I had a daughter, many years would go by without any contact with this Felicity from high school. I got a little nervous when the show Felicity hit the air, concerned the name would get trendy. But that never happened! I became more convinced Felicity was the name for my daughter!

Until... I mentioned Felicity to Rob before I even became pregnant. I'm not even sure we were married yet when I told him our daughter would be Felicity. His reaction was, "Yuck. Oh no she won't..." I considered holding my ground and then I said Felicity with our 12-letter, 5-syllable last name and began to think maybe Felicity wasn't the name of our daughter. Oh sad day... People suggested Felicia and Felice as alternatives, but they weren't the same. The "Fel" part of the name wasn't what appealed to me, but rather the rhythm of the "icity" part.

We named our daughter Fiona which was very loosely inspired by Felicity. I was surprised Rob agreed to it and I'm not sure he would have if he hadn't known a real-life Fiona when he was a kid, back when the name was truly rare. I picked Fiona thinking I was picking something artsy and exotic, but still wearable for a little girl or a grown woman. After I picked the name, I started hearing it everywhere and was a little concerned it might be an up-and-coming name.

I realize there are more important things to worry about than the fear that you may have inadvertently named your daughter the next Jennifer, but I'm weird like that. I have resigned myself to the fact that my daughter's name is only 5-10 years ahead of its time instead of 20-30 years ahead of its time. Yes, I really am a name snob. I would love to be a 35 year old Ava, but a 5 year old Ava? Not so much. I have to keep reminding myself that Fiona is not me and probably won't care whether or not her name is exciting. She seems to like her name. Fiona also goes well enough with my middle name and our last name. At least my daughter got my middle name which is also my Mom's middle name. And my own Mom said she likes the name Felicity, but Fiona doesn't look like a Felicity, she looks like a Fiona.

I was going to go on and tell the story behind Paul's name, but saw that this post was getting on the longish side. When it comes to names, I can get diarrhea of the keyboard. But my point is that while Fiona may not be my dream name, I have no doubts Fiona was the name meant for my daughter. Naming my daughter didn't have anything at all to do with me, and everything to do with my daughter. The perfect name had found my baby!

I will continue to share the story behind Paul's name in the next post, because it is half-written, and the story behind his name is equally, and maybe even more amusing. The conclusion to Paul's naming story is basically the same: The perfect name had found my baby again, even though it wasn't my first choice. Until next time...