“Different Layers of Clean” & Plans Derailed

The plan for Thursday was to clean the Master Bedroom - the messiest room in the house. This room earned this status because we never needed to show that room to guests and we kept Fiona out of that room, eliminating any motivation to clean it much during the past two years. Two years ago we got new bedroom furniture, which prompted us to clean the room - this was right around the same time I found out I was pregnant.

To give you, dear reader, an idea of the extent of the squalor, my husband had a pile of clothes right next to the bed that had been there for two months. I remembered he had said he put those clothes next to the bed because he wanted to throw them out. They were mostly old T-shirts, not fit to donate. However, as I looked at the pile on Wednesday, I noted some nice looking shorts, and a button up shirt. The shorts looked like the new ones we bought only a month ago.

Before we went to bed Wednesday night, I asked him, “Is that the pile of clothes next to the bed the pile you want to throw away?”

He got really agitated, and said, “No. Don’t touch those clothes.”

I replied, “Don’t get huffy; I thought you said you wanted to throw those clothes away.”

“I did throw those clothes away. These are different clothes. Don’t throw these away, don’t put them in the laundry, just leave them alone.”

“If I’m going to clean the room, I can’t just leave those clothes there.”

“Then just throw them on the bed.”

“Why can’t I put them away?”

“Because I’ve worn them.”

“Then if you’ve worn them, why can’t I put them in the laundry?”

“Because there are different levels of clean.”

At that point, I just burst out laughing. “How can there be different levels of clean?”

My husband was trying really hard not to laugh. I think he saw the absurdity in his comment, but didn’t want to admit I was right. “Good night,” he said, and turned over.

On Thursday when he called, I mentioned that I put his different levels of “clean” clothes in a bag and then asked him what he meant by different levels of clean.

He replied, “Haven’t you seen Ghost Busters II?”

I guess I forgot about the different levels of clean line.

. . .

Anyone who has kids knows sometimes the best laid plans get derailed. Wednesday night, Fiona was waking up fussy, and had a temperature of 101. I had given her some Children’s Motrin. In the morning she seemed fine with a temperature of around 98.

Nevertheless the policy at my daycare was that when a kid has a temperature as high as 101, the kid must wait 24 hours before returning to daycare. Therefore on Thursday, my day to clean the messiest room in the house, the master bedroom, Fiona was home. Luckily I managed to get a head start on that room the day before. Somehow, while Fiona was napping, and for a few minutes here and there, while she played in her room behind a gate (until she would realize she was behind the gate, and walk up to the gate and shout, “Ma”), I managed to clean the master bedroom.

Fiona’s temperature was normal all day, and she was her normal self, trying to get into the cat food bowl and such. I was feeling rather smug, since I finished the master bedroom, and there wasn’t much to clean in Fiona’s room, other than her changing table which I stopped using once she was around 6 months old, and became mobile, and has since become a collection area for clutter while I change her on the floor.

I figured it would take maybe 30 minutes top to de-clutter the changing table, and then a few minutes vacuuming, and viola! Fiona’s room would be clean, and I would have the entire Friday. I planned to go grocery shopping since when I was working I had little choice but to shop for groceries on the weekends, when the place was packed and picked over. Then, once the groceries were put away, I would have the rest of my Friday to blog, go to the library, maybe watch a Lifetime movie. Ah me time!

Imagine my disappointment, and not to mention concern, when Thursday evening Fiona’s temperature was back at 101. Not only did Rob and I feel she could not go back to daycare, we decided she needed to go to the doctor. I called her doctor as soon as they opened Friday morning, and the earliest appointment was at 2:45. That morning, I decided to go grocery shopping, and then went back home for lunch. Fiona and I spent the remainder of Friday at the pediatrician, where Rob and my concern was validated; Fiona has her third ear infection in the past 7 months. Then I went to CVS to pick up her amoxicillin. By the time I got home, it was dinner time. I did not get a chance to de-clutter Fiona’s unused changing table.

Fiona’s room, once the cleanest room in the house, is now the messiest, other than the basement, garage, and now kitchen, which I cleaned on Monday. I was keeping it clean too. What happened was the clean kitchen inspired my husband to do some painting in that room this weekend, and now we have painting equipment sitting around, which I plan to put away tomorrow.

I didn’t put the stuff away this weekend, because Rob told me not to. Yesterday, Saturday, Rob was painting, and I do appreciate it, but really wish he would have waited and allowed me to enjoy the clean house a little longer. I decided to keep my disappointment to myself, since when I was working, the last thing I wanted to do was a weekend project. I reasoned I worked enough during the week, and errands took up enough of my weekend, I wasn’t going to engage in a weekend project. But there was Rob, after a 50 hour work week painting our kitchen. Bless him.

I guess I am one who wears her heart on her sleeve. While he was painting, Rob saw me sitting there, with a disappointed look on my face, as I surveyed the furniture that was moved from the wall, and the painting equipment which was strewn everywhere. He asked what was wrong, and I said nothing.

Then he said, “You are disappointed since you cleaned this kitchen and now it is in disarray, aren’t you?”

And I admitted that yes, I was. After he finished the job, he saw me eyeing the painting equipment.

“Don’t worry, I’ll put it away,” he assured me.

“When?” I replied.

“I’m not done with the project.”

“It’s not going to sit here for a week.”

Other than touching up one edge, I’m not sure what other painting he has left to do. Anyway, I decided to allow the stuff to sit for the weekend, but if it wasn’t put away by Monday, I would do it then. When I mentioned that to Rob today, he seemed ok with that.

So I have a messy changing table and painting equipment in my kitchen, but other than that, the place doesn’t look nearly as bad as it did. Maybe my home isn’t Martha Stewart Living caliber, but it is much closer to being a home, as opposed to CHAOS.

I’ll close out this week with the familiar Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Cleaning my house may give me some illusion of control, but I will never be able to control everything.

Week One - July 7 - 11 - Make My House a Home

As I mentioned in my last post, The Last Day, my house had become sorely neglected. I live in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome), an acronym I can’t take credit for since it was coined by FlyLady.net. I would describe it as similar to living in a frat house, which is really sad since my husband and I are in our 30’s and are responsible for rearing a young toddler.

What may be difficult for someone to believe when visiting my house (not that a have a lot of visitors, I tend to keep them away) is that I’m actually a neat person. In college, I had the same roommate for almost all 4 years, and my side of the room was always immaculate and she was the messy one, the packrat who kept everything and had a place for nothing. There was an invisible line down the center of our room where her mess ended and my neatness began. My side always had to be the side near the door otherwise no one could get in or out.

So what happened? I fell in love with a man who was the male equivalent of my college roommate, at least as far as neatness is concerned. And I had mentioned there was an invisible line in my college dorm room, which was because, while I am good at cleaning up after myself, I am not good at cleaning up after others. But when you share not just a dorm room but an entire house and a life with someone, you stuff just intermingles, and keeping separate sides is more difficult. But I can’t completely blame my husband for living in squalor; that isn’t fair. As my job became more demanding… ok I can’t blame my job either. I had about 90 free minutes on most days (other than the days I had to work from home) and I could have been cleaning during that time, I just chose not to. Instead I chose to watch TV and blog.

What had caused me to become more motivated to clean my house, besides quitting my job? I realized my house is not a home, just a place to sleep. It became that way because my husband, my daughter and I didn’t spend much time there. Even on the weekends we were off running errands. The weekends were really the only time we had to run errands. Since my daughter and I will be home more often now, I want it to be a pleasant place. I also want to teach my daughter the importance of taking pride in where she lives, and taking care of her things.

My husband and I live in a townhouse style condo that has 2 bedrooms, 1 ½ bathrooms, and about 1200 square feet. I always wanted something more. I wanted a house with at least 3 (preferably 4) bedrooms with about 1500 (preferably 2000) square feet. That was why I busted my butt working. But as I was busting my butt, I didn’t make the most of what I had. I always said once I had a house I would keep it clean. But now I’m beginning to think that I should make the most of our condo. What I like about our condo is the low mortgage which gave me the freedom to quite my job. If I was living in my dream house, I would be stuck in my job, because my husband and I would not be able to afford the mortgage otherwise. Which reminds me of a quote I heard somewhere, I don’t remember where:

“Do you own your things or do your things own you?”

Cleaning our mess is a little overwhelming, but here is my plan. I am going to spend 1 day each on each room of my house, and for each room I am going to get 3 boxes, and label them, “THROW AWAY,” “GIVE AWAY,” and “PUT AWAY.” This is a method I got from FlyLady.net.

Here is my schedule for the week:
Monday, July 7 - Kitchen - The most used room of the house, which is why I‘m starting there.
Tuesday, July 8 - Living Room
Wednesday, July 9 - Bathrooms
Thursday, July 10 - Master Bedroom
Friday, July 11 - Fiona’s Room - The neatest room of the house, which is why I left it for last.

Other guidelines:

1. I will spend 1 day on each room and only 1 day. Even if the room is not clean to my satisfaction, I will not continue on that room, but move on to the next room as planned.
2. I will create a schedule next week for maintaining what I began this week.
3. Any remaining mess will be cleaned as part of my maintenance schedule to be created next week.

The Last Day

I had the perfect job - for someone else.

Everyday, I spent 2 hours (1 hour each way) commuting. Not only was my commute getting more and more expensive, on a typical day, I spent more time in the car than I did with my 17 month daughter.

My employer was flexible with me, which was good, but the price was that I sometimes had to work from home. Everything has a price. And I guess my life is the rule more than the exception for Mom’s in the corporate world.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t the way I wanted to live my life. Once I calculated what I was spending to work - the commuting costs, the daycare costs, and the taxes, I wasn’t really bringing in that much money.

On June 18, I made the difficult decision to resign. My last day is today, July 2.

I wouldn’t recommend my decision to everyone. Here are the factors that made my decision:

1. My husband and I have decent savings besides our retirement accounts to act as a cushion.
   
2. Our mortgage was already low, and we recently refinanced it, bringing it down to $660 a month - cheaper than most rents.
   
3. I wasn’t even grossing 50K annually (before all work expenses). This made my work expenses, not to mention the demands of my job less worth it in my mind.
   
4. I wasn’t the only one getting stressed over my job. My husband was getting stressed and said to me, “If you want to be a stay at home Mom for a while, I support that.”

For all of my good intentions, I do have fears, and I don’t want to have any illusions that my life will get easier. My life, in fact, could get harder. But if the rewards are greater, if not financially, then personally, than I can live with that.

I have fears however. I don’t want to squander our savings. I understand the beauty of compounding interest. I still hope to find a legitimate part-time work from home opportunity, so I can continue to add to my retirement account, spare our savings, and maintain my professional skills, but I anticipate that will be difficult.

With my fears in mind, I have one motto: Thou shall not squander my time.

To that end, I plan to approach my responsibilities as a Mom, and my responsibilities in my home with the same organization I applied to my job. My plan:

1. I will continue to get up at 4:30 every morning, except for the weekends, as though I was going to work.

2. I have developed a plan for my first 3 weeks after my job:

Week One - July 7 - 11 - Make My House a Home
I gave my daycare person more notice than my job, making next week the last week my daughter is in daycare. My reason for this is that I want to spend the time making my house a home. My house has been sorely neglected.

Week Two - July 15-18 - Create An At Home Routine for My Daughter and Me My week “off.” As I say with sarcasm since I will be watching a 17 month old. I want to spend this week creating a flexible daily and weekly routine for my daughter. One of the benefits of daycare was that my daughter had a routine, and I want to maintain a routine for her. I also want to spend this week creating a daily routine for maintaining my home, and managing our finances.

Week Three - July 21-25 - Investigate Work At Home Options
I have some ideas floating around in my head. When my daughter is sleeping, I plan to document these ideas, and for each idea ask myself: How much will it cost? Can I work around Rob and Fiona’s schedules? What is the earning potential? What are my hopes for this job? What are my fears? The plan is to determine which path to take.

Hopefully with a plan in place, I can make the most of my time.